In October of 2020, in fact 3 years ago today, my mom and I left for a road trip to tour the University of Memphis Cecil C. Humphreys School of Law. I thought it was the best “goal” school for me if I decided to apply. The point was to see the campus and ask many questions. We spent a couple nights in Memphis and had a great tour of the campus, which is right next to the Mississippi River. We took goofy pictures, drove across the river to Arkansas on a lark, ate take-out dinners since the pandemic was in full swing, and drove past places that were special to my mom. My parents lived there as a young married couple while my dad attended seminary, so she pointed out places where she had worked, or places where they’d lived, and told the stories. Now I think about that trip every October, not only because it influenced the trajectory of my life, but because of my mom’s love for me.
At the time, I was a year into a new job and taking a paralegal course at a local university. I was an experienced paralegal at that point, but taking a formal course felt more comprehensive. Thanks to the pandemic shutdowns, there weren’t many other options for my spare time besides hiking with my dog or binging Netflix. Taking a career course seemed like the productive thing to do.
I guess it’s natural that thoughts of law school followed closely. It wasn’t as if I’d never thought about it before, and it’s the next level beyond paralegal certification. I’d heard that former paralegals tend to excel in law school thanks to their real-world experience. I was renting an apartment in a city that doesn’t have a law school, and the ABA maintained that law school could not be done online and had to be attended in person in order to sit for the bar exam - except of course during a pandemic, which we learned all about from our tour guide at Memphis Law. For years I’d wanted to be a homeowner, as well, but buying a house in my town meant saying no to the idea of law school for the foreseeable future. I needed to settle the question before I could really move on with my life.
Based on my interests at the time, I knew generally what my future held if I actually got in somewhere and went. It would mean another move, followed by three years of intense stress, and incurring debt, to graduate and be an entry level attorney, if I passed the bar, trying to work my way up by billing hours, and dealing the added stress of trying to make my loan payments. For so many people, including members of my own family, all of that is and has been more than worth it! But each person has different capacities. What if I wanted to get married and have kids, and have more time and attention available for them? My excitement about my legal career was genuine, but what if I decided to change careers someday? Would I prefer a mortgage loan or a student loan? How did I really want to spend my 30s? That was the real question. How did I want to spend the next decade or so of my life?
A couple notable things happened on the campus tour that served as guidance. In one of the hallways, I found a class picture of an attorney I know who graduated in the early 90s. Of course, I snapped a picture and texted it to him with comments on his style choices. That attorney is a brilliant friend, and he warned me off of law school. On the surface it sounds like a discouraging comment, but he was being honest. It was probably the best advice I ever received with regard to my career. Seeing his photo reminded me of the candor with which he told me about his own life and career as an attorney.
In the incredible library on the top level, with beautiful glass panels offering views of the river, I had a more personal realization. I loved that library, but while the tour guide was speaking, I became completely overwhelmed by the idea of being in that beautiful place… but studying case law and writing briefs instead of staring out at the river. I’m a dreamer and an artist, always have been. So is my attorney friend, at heart - hence his advice. As far as my strengths, I’m well-suited for a legal career, but I’ll always want time and space in my life for other pursuits as well.
The most persuasive realizations actually occurred on the drive home across western Tennessee. While we were driving, I found a pumpkin farm event online and insisted that we stop and visit. My mom was happy to oblige, and we navigated there on beautiful country roads. It was a cold, overcast day, and the leaves were just changing. I told her I’d love to live in a place like that. The pumpkin farm was called Green Acres, which got us started singing the show’s theme song as we drove, laughing and remembering. I was home schooled in elementary school, and we watched old shows on TV Land during our lunch breaks. Green Acres was a favorite. As we drove away, I told her that unlike Lisa Douglas, I would be glad to leave city life behind and live on a farm.
As we approached my town, I felt a sense of warmth and relief, like I was coming home. It didn’t need any justification; this was where I wanted to be. My decision not to go to law school was based on knowledge of myself, connection with a certain place and dreams for a certain type of future. I bought my house the following year by God’s divine intervention and grace. It’s not on a farm out in western Tennessee, but it has everything I need right now, and I couldn’t be more thankful to have a mortgage loan instead of student loans. I still have a great and fulfilling legal career, too. Nothing is missing from my life because I’m not a lawyer. In fact, my life feels fuller and freer as a result.
When I think back on that trip, though, my favorite realization of all was just how much my mom loves me and goes to great lengths to support me. I’m so thankful we had that time together. I think she knew law school wasn’t really the best path for me, but she showed her support and belief in me by going with me to investigate it seriously. I learned things about her life that I didn’t know before, and I felt closer to her having seen where she and my dad spent their married years before moving to my hometown. I’ll hold on to that memory forever.
“Keep Manhattan, just gimme that countryside.”
What fun to learn more about you. Since you didn't go the law school route you have time to produce such truly satisfying reads as this. I look forward to more pieces.